


Unaware

by theauthor2010



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen, Rape, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-23
Updated: 2011-11-22
Packaged: 2017-10-26 10:58:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/282273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theauthor2010/pseuds/theauthor2010
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn wakes up at a party, unaware of everything that happened the night before.</p><p>That is, until he sees tapes of himself having sex with Quinn's new friends.</p><p>That's when he realizes he was raped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Finn wakes up in a strange room. He's lying face down on a strange bed and he's naked. He has no idea how he got there. It's a terrifying, disconnecting feeling that makes him unsure of who he is or where he's been. It takes at least ten minutes to get his head back and start remembering where he had been last. He was at a party. The party was at Shane's house. Shane had held a party for the McKinley jocks and cheerios, celebrating the first win of the year. Being that he was Mercedes' boyfriend, he invited the glee kids too. All of his glee friends were there, except for Rachel who had sworn off all parties, saying they just got in the way of her dreams.

He walks downstairs after he dresses, trying to get more memory back. Shane is in the living room, cleaning up empty beer bottles from behind a sofa. "Dude, Hudson," he says. "Next time I throw a bash try not to crash in my folks' room. I'm all for sobering up and stuff but we're lucky they're gone all week."

"I'm sorry dude," he mumbles. He's almost one hundred percent sure that he hadn't been drinking. No, he didn't drink.

"You must've been wasted last night, bro. That crazy looking chick with holes in her face dragged you upstairs and you looked like you were gonna pass out standing."

Or did he drink? He's not sure but he really thinks he didn't. He's never liked the effects of alcohol. His mom had an alcoholic boyfriend when he was seven and that was the worst thing ever. Plus, once when he drank a lot of beer with Puck in 9th grade, he ended up getting really angry and puking everywhere. No, he chose not to drink the previous night.

He rushes home, not telling Shane any more. He apologizes for falling asleep or passing out or whatever it was he did and rushes home.

When he gets home, he checks his messages to see if anyone has any idea what went on. There are several messages, both texts and voicemails. The first thing that Finn does is listen to a voicemail from Rachel. He can't believe what he's hearing.

"I thought…I t-thought I meant something to you! Finn Hudson, I loved you. How could you have sex with those whores? I would have never believed the rumors if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes! You even let that skank whore you were sleeping with tape it? I never want to see your face again. I mean it. If you show up at glee practice Monday I will make Mr. Schue kick you out or I will leave. I never, ever want to see you again!"

Rachel, in the message, is crying and screaming all at once. Finn is dumbstruck. He doesn't even end the call to his voicemail after the message finishes until he realizes he's staring at his phone. He then checks his texts.

I can't believe you'd hurt sink so low, Finn. – Kurt.

Bro, there r rumors you slept w/skanks – Puck.

Way to go Hudson! Nailed Quinn's freak pals, huh? – Santana.

Those text messages were the tip of the iceberg. Finn counts seventeen in total, including threats from people he barely knows and congratulations from the football guys. He's not sure what's going on but he's terrified. He immediately sets his phone down.

He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't remember a thing and there is a terrible rumor going around that he slept with someone. He would never do that. Sure, he had done some terrible things but he didn't even remember what had happened the night before. He walks upstairs and is faced with an angry Kurt. His stepbrother glares daggers at him.

"How could you hurt her like that? How could you risk your own future? Finn, you do realize that you could face child pornography charges if an adult finds those videos. They are circulating through McKinley and fast!" Kurt is fuming at him with his eyes big and Finn doesn't know what's going on. Kurt is terrifying.

"Kurt," he whimpers. "I don't remember a thing that happened last night. I'm freaking out man. I remember sitting at Shane's party then I remember nothing."

"You don't remember?" Kurt almost shrieks. "How much did you drink if you don't remember what the hell you were doing last night? Finn, you cheated on Rachel! You took video of it! I covered for you when you didn't come home last night, you know that?"

Trying his best to focus his cloudy mind, Finn thinks of his parents and freaks out. "You did?" he asks. He had warned his mom that he might head over to Puck's after the party and sleep over, but he promised that he would call. He isn't even sure if that's right. His head is so messed up and he's stopped trusting himself.

"Yes, I did," Kurt says darkly. "I told them you let your phone die again but were definitely staying with Puck. You didn't want to call at his place and wake up his family."

"Kurt…I don't remember anything," he almost whimpers. He's terrified. It's scary, not remembering what you did the night before. "I don't remember anything at all. It's like someone cut part of my memory out."

Kurt looks concerned at that. "Well, there's a video of it that half the school has seen," he mumbles, his expression dark. Finn can see disappointment there but he can also see concern. He thinks about a video of himself having sex and his stomach twists. He feels like he's going to puke but he isn't sure why.

"I need to see it," he whispers. "I mean seriously, Kurt, I don't remember anything. Have you…seen it?" The thought of his brother seeing this alleged video makes his stomach hurt worse. It's hard for Finn to believe that there is a video of him doing something he has absolutely no memory of. If he doesn't remember it then it didn't happen, right? He's terrified to actually see the video.

Kurt pauses but then he nods. "I deleted it," he whispers, "but I'll find it."

Finn sits at the kitchen table for the longest time, still, unmoving, while Kurt bustles around to rediscover the video footage. He doesn't understand. He would not cheat on Rachel, not after all that they had gone through together. He loves Rachel. After all the effort and time it took to get them to the place they were at, he wouldn't throw it away. Even if he was dumb enough to cheat on Rachel, he would remember. It also would not be with Quinn's scary group of new friends. Finn doesn't like girls like that and never will.

Kurt brings his laptop over to where Finn sits. "Here," he says. "Check it out. I'm leaving the room because yeah, once was enough for me."

Awkwardly and uncomfortably, Finn presses the play button on the video file. Immediately he is assaulted by the sound of a girl moaning loudly. Her moans are loud and exaggerated like those of a porn actress. She is wearing only a bra and Finn can't entirely see her face but he can see the silver piercings below her lip. There is another girl at the side of the bed, her face awkwardly covered. She is watching as her friend bounces up and down on some dude's dick.

It takes Finn a very long time to realize that he's the naked guy lying underneath the girl. He's the naked guy who is inside of her. Where the girl's faces and identities are somewhat concealed, his is not. He turns around and gags. What the hell? The disconnect is terrible. He looks back at the video only to lock eyes with himself. In the video he is disoriented and confused looking, but awake and panting, moaning.

Oh God, he cheated on Rachel. He doesn't get it and starts crying like some idiot child. What the fuck did he do? He gets up and rushes to the trash can to be sick.


	2. Chapter 2

The video plays in front of Quinn like some kind of nightmare. She stares at the image of her "girl," her close friend, on top of Finn while he stares blankly at the camera. The hard shell she had enveloped herself in fails and Quinn crumbles, before launching herself at the girl. She is going to kill her. She is going to rip that bitch's face off and it's going to be completely and utterly justified.

"How the hell could y-you do that to him?" she screams.

"Relax Q, it was for you."

She opens her mouth and a wave of guilt crashes down, choking her. They had raped her ex-boyfriend for her. She chokes and gasps. "He was drugged, wasn't he? You guys drugged him and raped him."

"You can't rape a guy," Mia snaps ignorantly. "Get over it Quinn. We just slipped something in his drink to make him easier to move around. We did this for you. Now that Berry has the video of Finn fucking another girl, they're definitely over. He's also the laughing stock of the school. You said you wanted revenge."

She had said it. Quinn starts crying because God, she didn't mean it. Of course she had said she wanted revenge. Finn broke her heart. Finn left her for Rachel, like she always knew he would. He broke her heart at a goddamned funeral. He wasn't the best guy in the world, but nobody deserves to be raped. He knows he was raped and she also knows that if she doesn't do something than his life is going to be ruined.

"What did you put in his drink?" she whispers. "How much will he remember?"

The girl in front of her stares at her like she's insane. "Oh my God, Fabray are you crying?" she asks. "Please don't tell me that you're still in love with that son of a bitch. You promised us that you were better than that. You promised us that the goody-goody days were over. You promised us that when we initiated you."

The girl next to her agrees, pushing Quinn against the bleachers. She stumbles back. "Quinn, I swear you open your little bitch mouth about this and you're going to pay," she says. "Nobody in hell is going to believe a word you say. Quinn Fabray, the girl without an identity. Nobody knows you, nobody understands you and nobody will believe that Hudson didn't want it. You squeal and I will make sure personally that your life is as much of a living hell as his."

She yanks herself away. She's learned a thing or two from her new bad girl persona. She knows that she can defend herself. "I'm done with this," she says. "I'm not part of your little group anymore. I don't need a group. I don't need Finn and Rachel and glee and I sure as hell don't need you guys."

She takes a deep breath. She knows she's done so many horrible things since joining up with the girls. She's stolen, bullied, threatened, vandalized, but she can't stand by while they talk jovially about raping someone who, yes, she still cares about.

"You walk out Fabray, you're done. You squeal and you're dead."

She walks away. It's all she can do. She's so scared and she has no idea what she's supposed to do next but she walks away. She goes to class, opting against ditching again. She sits down and she starts bawling in the middle of English. She doesn't know what to do. She's scared, she's tired and she's done.

It's actually Mike Chang who pays her mind. "Quinn," he says, moving his seat so that he's sitting next to her. None of the glee club, well, except Rachel, has paid her any mind since she changed. She's almost surprised to hear him talking to her. "Quinn, you're crying, what's wrong?"

She shakes her head and shoves him off.

Surprisingly, Mike takes control of the situation. "Miss Johnson," he says to their teacher. "I think that Quinn is sick. May I take her to the nurse?"

The dismissive old English teacher waves them away. Quinn tries to object because the whole point of actually coming to class was to shake herself away from the ditching that's become so common, but Mike isn't having it. He gently leads her outside and into the hallway.

"Quinn, what's going on?" he asks.

Quinn shakes her head. She's not going to trust anyone. She takes a deep breath and a shaky sob escapes her. "I'm fine Mike," she whispers, even though anyone who could hear would know otherwise. "Thanks for getting me out of class. I appreciate that."

He looks her in the eyes. She can see why he and Tina have done so well, relationship-wise, because he seems like an intense listener. "Quinn, something's wrong," he says. "You don't just burst out crying in the middle of a classroom for nothing. C'mon, I know that we were never the best of friends, not even when you were…" She waits for him to say normal, but instead he finishes with, "in glee club with us, but I want to help."

She walks over to the next hallway and he follows her. "Did you see the video?" she whispers. "Finn…"

He nods shortly. Of course he's seen it. He's shy, reserved and a member of the stupid glee club but he's still a football player. "I shut it off the second I realized what it was," he admits. "Why are you upset about it though? I thought that you and Finn broke up last year. It was the dumbest move of the century, but it's hardly your fault…"

She glares at him. She then softens though because she knows it's not his fault. It's hers. It's always her fault. "Mike, what would you do if you knew something terrible?" she asks softly. "I know something terrible and yet I don't think there's anything I can do about it."

He looks confused, but she doesn't blame him. She's told him nothing. He hesitantly puts a hand on her shoulder. She doesn't want him touching her but she doesn't have the strength to move away. "Just tell me Quinn," he mumbles. "I mean, I'm a pretty good secret keeper. I'm not going to be telling anyone about this. Those girls in the…tape…with Finn, those were the skanks, right? They snuck into that party so I figured…"

She nods. He doesn't say anything and doesn't ask her for more. He's a good guy. Tina's a lucky, lucky girl. "They did it for me," she whispers, unable to say yet that her friends raped Finn. "They figured that if they could put it on tape, spread it around the school and make sure Rachel saw, they would destroy the both of them. Finn would have this messed up reputation and Rachel would be destroyed by it…"

"How did they…"

Mike doesn't even finish the sentence before Quinn breaks down crying. She leans forward and sobs. She just exhales and lets out a burst of tiny, hysterical sobs. She shakes her head and leans it forward against the locker. She smacks her head against the metal. "She put something in his drink," she whispers, looking over at the boy. He looks absolutely horrified, his eyes wide and mouth open. He draws her close to him and takes her outside. He's smart; they're drawing far too much attention to themselves.

"Quinn," he says softly. "They raped him. I don't know if Finn is going to be smart enough to come to that conclusion himself. He's probably freaked out. We gotta do something."

She cries out loud as Mike leads her all the way outside. It's been the longest time since she's allowed to break down. It has been four months since she's last cried like this. She dyed her hair, moved along and killed the Quinn Fabray everyone knew. Now that little crybaby was back.


	3. Chapter 3

When Finn gets to school Monday morning he's terrified. He's still not sure what happened to him. Kurt's been trying to help but he's pretty sure his stepbrother thinks that he was just drunk. He's almost one hundred percent sure he wasn't drunk. The assault starts immediately, when he's turned around and putting things into his locker. "Didn't know skanks were your type bro!" someone from the football team yells. He turns around but misses the group of football guys, just seeing a mass of red turn the other way.

Santana catches him next. She's leaning up against her locker and her lips curl into a smirk. "Really, Finn?" she asks. "We all knew you were going to cheat on Berry again sooner or later, but those ho-bags? It aint going to impress Fabray, alright? Nothing's going to impress her now that she's gone off the deep end."

He walks past her and tries to figure out what to do. He spends most of first period thinking. He's scared. He's really scared. He needs to find out what happened that night and he needs to tell Rachel that he has no idea what happened. She's not crazy. She'll understand if he tells her that he woke up in a room, naked and with no recollection of what happened to him. Okay, no she won't. No girl is going to understand that.

His heart is beating so fast it's crazy. He closes his eyes and tries to take a deep breath. He doesn't know what to do and wants to cry. He isn't paying attention to a word that his teacher is saying. Brittany leans over to him halfway through class and scolds him for hurting Rachel. "She's not popular and her whining is pretty annoying but I saw her crying and I felt bad," she says. Finn can't take it. He would never hurt Rachel; why doesn't anyone understand that?

He is harassed all day long. He's treated like a man-whore, hated and made fun of for sleeping with girls with no social standing. He's also applauded for cheating on Rachel, something that makes him even sicker.

After a day of school that is terrible, horrifying, Finn goes to the choir room. He knows Rachel will be there. Even though he knows she won't understand, he's miserable and he needs her. She's sitting at the piano, crying, of course, at the end of some ballad that he knows she's put Brad through to appease her misery. Misery he's caused her even though he doesn't get it.

"Rachel," he says softly.

She turns around and her eyes literally flash red. She walks up to him and in a surprising gesture, she slaps him in the face. He stares, the pain of the slap doing nothing but bringing a little clarity to his confused, dull senses. "How could you do that to me?" she asks, wailing out the words. "How could you do that to me after all I've given up for you? I love you Finn. I trusted you!"

"Rachel," he says, still reeling, stinging. "Rachel, I don't know what happened. I really, honestly don't know what happened. One minute I was sitting at the party, feeling awkward, and the next I was upstairs in an unfamiliar room and not wearing any clothes. I literally don't remember."

She shakes her head. "Finn, don't play with me."

"I really don't remember!"

"Finn, please."

"Rachel," he says, hoping she can understand the desperation in his voice. "I swear to you that I don't remember a thing. I know it's unbelievable and crazy, but I've been trying to get my memory back. I even watched that video to try and remember but it didn't trigger anything." God, he had tried. He watched it over and over again. He's crying now, near trembling. "C'mon Rach, you gotta believe me."

"Finn that's insane," she condemns. "I understand being drunk and having a hazy memory but not remembering sleeping with them? Not a chance Finn."

"Finn, dude, you should probably get outta here," Artie mumbles, looking awkward. "This is...weird...

Tina, who looks suspiciously alone without Mike, nods. "Artie's right."

"Mr. Schue, Finn should leave," Mercedes points out to the dumbstruck teacher.

He's been staring at them uselessly. He nods at her words and Finn slams his fist against the wall, betrayed. "I swear I didn't do it, Rachel," he whines before turning and leaving. He rushes out as fast as he can, feet hitting the floor hard. He runs outside, hyperventilating, each breath forced. He doesn't stop running until he catches sight of a flash of pink under the bleachers.

"Quinn!'

She's alone, not with that horrible group of girls, and she's smoking. She's been with them though and she knows what's going on. She looks at him and shakes her head. She stubs out the cigarette. She looks up at him and there's a brief moment of terror before she looks away from him. She starts to move. "I can't talk to you, Finn," she says. She walks past but he grabs her wrist.

"You know those girls, the skanks. I didn't do anything with them, I swear it."

She shakes her head, looking him in the eyes. He's pretty sure that she whimpers but he doesn't understand why.

"Quinn," he says, clinging to her arm. She tries to pull away and he knows he should let go but he needs answers. He needs them before he comes to the conclusion that he has now gone insane and he just has to deal with that. "I don't know what happened! I'm freaked out. I was at the party then the next thing I know I'm lying naked in a bed upstairs. I have been trying to wrack my brain, come up with an explanation."

She pulls away. "Finn, I can't do this," she says. "I don't know. I don't know. I didn't go to the party. I didn't do anything wrong."

"You know them, though!' he yells."You can help me find answers."

"I don't owe you anything Finn. We're over and done with. You ended things with me and I cut you off. I cut you out of my life." She lets out a little sob and she seems just as distressed as he does. She looks so sad. "Finn, go away!"

"I can't go away Quinn," he breathes. "I'm scared."

She stops where she is and her hands fall down as he says that. She looks out and sobs, shaking her head. "I can't Finn…I can't…I need Mike…" He wonders why she says she needs Mike and why she's looking toward the school when she falls down and onto her knees. He kneels down next to her. He needs her to talk. He needs something to happen.

"Quinn," he says softly. "Please, I just need to know what happened. Apparently I went upstairs with those girls at the party but I don't remember anything. I don't remember going upstairs. I don't even remember drinking. I just need some answers and if I don't find them I'm going to be sick…"

She looks at him like she's scared of him. She shakes her head and he can almost see her mentally draw back into herself. He touches her shoulder, remembering that touch always seemed to calm Quinn down and really comfort her. "Mike's coming out here to meet me when he's done," she whispers. "He'll tell you. He'll tell you everything. I'm just so…I'm useless Finn…"

It takes a good five minutes for Mike to emerge from the building, thankfully, because Finn is five seconds from shaking Quinn to get an answer out of her. His panic is mounting and he's honestly afraid he's losing his mind. "Quinn," he says clearly. "Please tell me what's going on. Mike!" He looks up at the other boy. "Dude, I need to know what's going on."

Mike is looking at him with an emotion Finn knows well. It's an expression of pity on his face. He looks sad, desperately sad for Finn. Finn stands back up on shaky legs and Mike reaches out to grab his shoulder as he stumbles. "I went to the cops, Quinn," he says. "Principal Figgins sent me to file a police report. It's okay. Something is going to happen but we may need you to prove what you heard."

Something about the dire seriousness in Mike's voice makes Finn feel lightheaded. He's holding his breath, waiting for an answer. Mike worries more about the way he's not breathing. "Finn, buddy, listen to me. Start breathing."

He inhales but finds it hard to exhale.

"Quinn, did you…"

She shakes her head and she's crying so freaking hard. Finn doesn't get why. It's not Quinn who's scared out of her mind that she doesn't remember something big, something vital. It's not Quinn who's pretty close to assuming she's going out of her mind. "I can't Mike. Please, you tell him. It's just…I can't…"

"I need to know!" Finn yells. "I'm fucking scared, guys." He rarely talks like that but he's scared. He's so terrified he wants to cry.

Mike takes control. "Finn, come sit on the bleachers," he says. He leads Quinn to do the same. Finn does so on his own accord but he's shaky. He's shaking inside and out. He looks at Mike and stares at him, hoping to demand answers with his eyes. It doesn't get the answers he needs so he yells.

"I'm not a cheater, guys. I didn't cheat on Rachel. I never would have. Something is very wrong."

Mike looks devastated and uncomfortable. "Finn, you didn't cheat on Rachel, not…consensually…"

Mike's words sunk in slowly and Finn took a deep breath. He hadn't cheated on Rachel consensually. That meant only one thing to Finn. People always said he was dumb but he wasn't. He remembered his government teacher talking about consent. It was a rape thing.

If it didn't happen consensually then that meant that Fin had been raped. Wait, but he was a guy. He wasn't sure he could be raped. Nothing had been like, well, put in to him. Could it be rape if he was inside of her? He shakes his head from side to side and tries to clear out the muddled thoughts. "I don't understand," he says softly. "Mike, dude, I don't get it."

He touches Finn's shoulder in what he assumes is a comforting gesture. Finn looks up at him. "Finn, don't freak out, but you've been raped," he says grimly, confirming Finn's fears. Quinn next to them is quiet with her head down. "Those girls slipped something in your drink and then they…did it. That's why you can't remember."

"Then they…I didn't cheat on Rachel. They…raped me? Or…did it without my wanting it at least," he says softly as it all sinks in. "That's why I can't remember." The realization not only sinks but digs deep inside of him. Mike sits next to him, putting a friendly arm around him. That's when he breaks, realizing what's going on. Oh god, someone actually raped him. He feels like crying but tries to hold back the tears.

Mike holds on tight. Finn prays he will not let go. "I did some quick research and depending on what they slipped in your drink, it could have wiped your memory. We're going to get them for this, dude."

He doesn't really care about getting them just yet. On top of the fact that he's lost his girlfriend and the trust of everyone he loves, he has to deal with the fact that he's the victim of a rape. He doesn't know how to deal. He doesn't even know what that means. His stomach keeps clenching and he's pretty sure he's going to puke really hard. He closes his eyes but that nausea just doesn't go away.

Instead the tears he's been holding back burst through.

This leads to Quinn leaving. She looks at Mike apologetically, then at Finn and darts. Finn stares up at her stupidly, trying to muster up some hate, some distaste for her but he finds it very difficult to manage. He can't hate when he has no clue what he's supposed to be feeling. Is he ruined for life? In those stupid movies his mom used to watch, women who got raped were all ruined and devastated.

He doesn't know.

He looks to Mike instead. "I didn't cheat on Rachel?" he asks, not even aware there's a question in his voice until Mike holds him even tighter and shakes his head no.

They sit like that for a very long time before Kurt arrives. Kurt comes, looking flustered. "I was looking for you," he blurts out. "I was definitely pissed at Mr. Schue for the way he reacted. Even if you did cheat on Rachel, it doesn't matter. He never asked Quinn or Puck or…any of the idiot cheaters in our group to leave."

Finn looks up and breaks down.


	4. Chapter 4

Kurt keeps ranting for awhile. Mr. Schue is such a joke sometimes. He doesn't eject Puck even though he impregnated Finn's girlfriend yet he calmly nods when the rest of the club freaks out at Finn for this. It's stupid. Glee is stupid. Mike is trying to stop him from rambling, shaking his head and waving his hands but Kurt finds it hard to stop.

"Kurt," Finn says harshly.

That's when Kurt realizes that his brother is devastated, broken and sobbing. He looks like a lost child, eyes desperately reaching to Kurt, begging for some kind of answer. Mike is holding the bigger jock like a kid as well, rubbing his back and nodding. "What's going on?" he asks, kneeling awkwardly near Finn, using his backpack to protect his jeans from the ground underneath him.

Mike shakes his head. Finn just starts ranting, tears in his eyes, barely coherent because of the sobs that come out intermittently. "Kurt…they…" he let out, looking Kurt in the eyes."They did something to me. Drug… They put some kind of…of… drug…"

Kurt catches on pretty fast. Finn is raving in a muddled voice about drugs and Mike is holding him like someone's lost puppy. "Finn, you need to breathe for me, okay?" he said. He had seen people go into panic attacks before and though Finn had no history of them, it was obvious he was pretty close. "Mike, what happened?" Even though he would much rather hear it from Finn, Mike is the sane man at the moment.

Mike looks at Finn uncomfortably and then looks to Kurt. "Those girls raped Finn," he says softly. "He was drugged, which is why he can't remember anything. Now the school has this idea of him that's not true at all."

Kurt can't stomach the word. Raped. Some girls raped his stepbrother. Not only had they raped Finn but they had done everything in their power to discredit him as a person. Guilt threatens to swallow Kurt whole. He had criticized and acted cold to Finn because of something that was not his fault. He had been raped and Kurt had criticized him, doubted the fact that he had been completely unaware, and held back on support that he should have been giving him.

Finn looks up at him through tear-filled eyes and it's all Kurt can do not to run and kill a couple of skanks. Instead, he pulls Finn into a tight hug. The bigger boy leans against him as he bends down. "Finn, it's going to be okay," he reassures. "You got me on your side. I'm not letting them get away with this."

"It's…Kurt…it's…I'm ruined. It doesn't matter if they get away with it or not. Nobody's going to believe…"

Kurt swallows. Sometimes he mistakenly thinks his stepbrother to be unaware or lacking perception, but Finn knows very well how female on male rapes were perceived. "I know it's going to be tough Finn, but we're going to find a way. It'll get better. You just gotta trust in the people who love you. Is action being taken?"

Finn tries to answer but it came out in gasps. Mike nods. "Yeah Kurt," he said. "I've talked to Figgins. He's calling the cops."

"Alright," Kurt says. "I'm taking Finn home. You know our home number if the police need Finn."

Kurt walks Finn home after that, staying close to his brother. It doesn't matter that the boy dwarves him in size; Finn is vulnerable and Kurt is overwhelmed by the need to protect him. He keeps his hands firmly planted on Finn's shoulder and side as they walk. "Finn," he reassures as they move, "it's going to be okay." He's glad that their new home is close to McKinley because he doesn't trust himself behind the wheel of any vehicle.

"Dude, no it's not," Finn mumbles softly. He's stopped crying and breathing heavily, but there's apathy in his voice that's even scarier.

Kurt leads Finn to the door and unlocks it. He guides Finn to the kitchen table where he sits him down. Their parents are both out, but should be arriving in a little together, as Carole promised to pick his father up from the shop after he got out. "I'm going to make you some milk," he says softly. It's stupid, the whole warm milk thing that's become a staple of their relationship as brothers, but Kurt doesn't care. It's something his mom did for him as a child and he associates it with comfort. It's comforting.

Finn sits there, just staring as Kurt warms it up. He sets down the glass in front of Finn and then takes the seat across from him. "Finn, we're going to have to tell our parents," he says gently, reaching out and touching the top of Finn's hand. "I know that it's not going to be easy but they'll help us take action."

Finn shakes his head. "I can't," he says softly.

Kurt rubs his brother's arm for awhile, a slow, repetitive motion. "Just breathe, Finn," he says softly. "It's alright. They're both strong, remember? They're the ones who have supported us through our whole lives and helped us survive everything. They'll be there for us Finn. It's going to be okay."

Finn nods slowly. He shakes his head from side to side after but sags down in his seat like he's relented. "I just wanna remember, Kurt," he says softly. "That's the scariest part, that there's this drug and it's…it's taken away my ability to remember what's going on."

"You will remember," Kurt assures, even though he's not entirely sure that Finn will be able to remember. "It will come back to you." He's scared and he wants to kill someone and he also wants his father. It's not his pain, it's Finn's, but he needs to be calmed and taken care of too. He doesn't know how to handle something of this magnitude.

The door lock clicks.


	5. Chapter 5

His mother and Burt walk inside the house. Finn looks up at her and he feels so guilty, wondering how she's going to react. She recognizes his pain instantly and leaves Burt's side to walk over to him. "Finn, honey, what's wrong?" she asks, using the same tone that she used to use when he was a kid and fell down on his bike or something. "Kurt, honey?" she adds, looking at his stepbrother as well.

"Something happened, Carole," Kurt says softly, looking at Finn. He knows that Kurt's going to leave him to tell them, because of the nature of what happened, but he's terrified to have to tell her. "Something really bad happened to Finn." He looks desperately at her and then at his father. Burt comes to Kurt's side and puts a hand on his shoulder. Finn is thankful when his mother sits at the kitchen table with him.

"Mom," he says blankly as she puts a hand on his knee. He reaches out and puts his own over it. "There was a party, remember? I…I went to the party. I woke up the next morning in a bed upstairs, undressed and I had no clue how I got there." He says it dryly, trying to keep all of his emotions at bay. He can't break down again. He's not strong enough to break down like he had before.

"Were you drinking honey?" she asks, running a hand through his hair.

Finn shakes his head. "No," he says softly. "I haven't drank anything since you grounded me for drinking Puck's beer when I was thirteen. Drinking always reminded me of Roger." He watches her tense as he mentions the alcoholic, but suppressing his emotions makes it hard for him to feel badly. "I found out today that some girls slipped something into my drink. A…date-rape kind of drug I guess…"

There is a long silence. Finn hates that he can't do anything to make it stop. His mother immediately wraps her arms around him and holds him into a tight hug. She leans her head against his shoulder and he clings to her like a baby. He's not sure what Burt and Kurt are doing to the side, because he's sagging into his mother's warm, tight hug. It's the safest place that Finn knows and he's not ready to leave it. "Did they…"

Finn nods slowly. His mother starts crying but it's a held back, repressed crying. His mom has always been afraid to cry in front of him. He's all cried out so he just stares blankly, leaning against her chest. She holds him and he can practically hear the mental conversation she's having with Burt above his head. He feels so lost and confused. He doesn't know what this means for him, for the rest of his life. "It's scary Mom," he whispers. "M-my friends who heard them talk about it went to the principal and the police, b-but what's going to happen to me?"

He knows his life is never going to be the same. He has a reputation now and there's a huge chance people won't believe he's been raped.

"People are going to be really ignorant when this gets out…" Kurt says softly, voicing Finn's fears to his father. It also voices another fear. It is going to get out. This is Lima, Ohio. Things don't stay secret, especially in the small area circling McKinley High School. He's in a lot of trouble. He's going to spend the rest of his high school years labeled as a male rape victim. Suddenly, the labels that bothered him in the past didn't matter as much.

"Why me?" he whispers.

His mom holds him tight, continuously muttering to him. "We'll figure it out Finn, baby, we'll figure it out…"

Finn takes a nap for awhile. When he wakes up, it's because his mom is leaning over his bed, gently coaxing him awake in the same way she has for years. Only, this time it's not early morning and this time, he wants to stay in bed more than ever. "Finn, sweetheart," she says, running a hand through his hair. "Finn, we need to go to the school. Your principal has arranged a meeting with the police."

Finn's panic wakes him up at that. He knew it was going to happen but it hits him like a ton of bricks. "No," he says, sitting up. "M-Mom, I don't want to talk to the police. I…I really just wanna forget this ever happened." He realizes that he'd done a good job of forgetting while sleeping and the desire to sleep mounts again. He just wants some kind of rest.

She sits on the bed, at his side. "Finn, sweetheart," she says, running her hand through his hair again. He leans into it. It's comforting. "I know that you're scared but we're going to take care of this. We're going to make sure that those awful girls who did it can't do anything to hurt you again. We have to do this. Kurt told us that there's cellphone video going around your school..that means…"

Finn blanks out for a second at that. He shakes his head. Oh God, how could Kurt tell them? Now their parents knew that there was video circulating all around of him being raped by girls. People had seen it. Even his friends had access to those videos. "Finn," his mother says again, more firmly this time, "we have to make sure that you testify against them or you could get in trouble for the circulation of video. I know it's awful, but this is the only way we can make sure they get put away and you're kept safe."

Finn nods. "I need to change my clothes," he says.

"Do you want help?" she asks. Finn almost laughs because he's still seventeen and hasn't needed his mother to dress him since he was four. It's a funny question and he would be laughing if the situation wasn't so dire. His mother, however, isn't laughing. "I'll send Kurt in here okay? If you need anything he'll get it for you."

Finn only has a few moments of privacy to change shirts when Kurt walks into the room. Kurt looks like he's going to cry. He's shaken and pale; Finn briefly hopes that Burt did something to comfort his son. Kurt looks like he needed it as bad as Finn did. "Finn, is there anything I can get you?" he asks softly, looking at Finn with obvious pity in his eyes. Finn shakes his head.

"No," he mumbles. "I'm fine Kurt."

"It's going to be fine," Kurt promises him idly. "If anyone can handle something like this, it's our parents. Mom and Dad are amazing, really." Finn realizes that's the first time he's heard Kurt call his mother "Mom." He likes that. Kurt is his brother, just as much as if he'd been his biological one.

After he's fully dressed, they drive to the school. Kurt sits in the back seat of the car with him, a comforting hand on his shoulder. Getting out of the car, Finn sees that Quinn and Mike are in the office. He's not thinking about them though, honestly. He wonders where Rachel is. He wants to talk to Rachel.

he questioning takes a long time. Finn answers as much as he can, but that's very little considering the fact that he doesn't remember. Most of the testimony the officers take is from Mike and from Quinn. Quinn finally breaks down halfway through the meeting and admits she was told point blank by the skanks that they raped Finn. Mike quietly touches Quinn on the shoulder and tells her that she needed to tell them that and that he's proud of her. Mike is surprisingly tender with Quinn. Finn can't remember ever seeing the two of them really interact. He himself is blank. He can hear his mom crying, hear Burt's strong willed words, but he can't breathe.

Principal Figgins tries his best to manage everything that's going on, despite the fact that he has a history of being the most ineffective administrator in the history of administration. He immediately tells the police where they can take the girls into custody. He seems helpless.

After it's all over, they walk him out of the school. He feels suffocated, flanked by Kurt on his right and his mother on his left. Burt hovers behind him and absolutely glares at anyone who gets too close. He feels safe but at the same time it's overwhelming. There is a loud sound and he turns around to hear a voice call his name. "Finn!"

He looks and there's Rachel, standing in front of him. "What happened?" she asks. "I saw the police cars and then I saw you. What's going on?" Finn is amazed that she still cares about him enough to worry. She believed that he cheated on her and apparently he was the worst thing in the whole wide world. He opens his mouth to say a million things when Kurt's hand closes on his shoulder. However, it's not Kurt, but Burt, who speaks in his defense.

"Finn can't talk right now," he says. He looks at Finn and Finn looks back. He understands Burt's reasoning. Halfway through the questioning he had started sobbing at the police, stating that he didn't remember a thing and that the worst part was that his girlfriend accused him of cheating and slapped him. Burt isn't the type to take so kindly to something like that.

"I need to," he says. "She needs to know."

They all stop and Kurt ushers his mom to the car. He's smart. Kurt knows this isn't something his mother needs to hear in the state she's in. Burt, however, says.

"Finn, what's going on?" she asks.

He can't open his mouth. He's not sure that he can even take in a deep enough breath. He can't say. He inhales harshly, just trying to will himself to breathe. "I can't…I can't…" he says. "Rachel, I didn't cheat on you…"

That's all he can manage.

"Finn, buddy, I need you to breathe for me," Burt says. "Just take a slow one, in and out, yeah that's right." Finn takes a deep, harsh breath. He opens his eyes and then looks at the man, then Rachel. "Finn, you don't have to talk about this right now. There's always time. You need to take a deep breath and think clearly."

"She needs to know," Finn says and that's when the waterworks start pouring out again. He doesn't want to tell Rachel this. She's not ever going to see him the same, even if she forgives him for the things she wrongly thought he did. She's going to see him as disgusting and dirtied. Even if it wasn't politically correct or morally right for her to see him differently, she was going to. She had seen him differently for misguided but consensual sex with Santana. She was a judgmental girl.

"Kid, you may be too traumatized to…"

"Rachel, I-I," Finn stammers, trying his best to breathe, "I didn't cheat on you. Quinn's friends put something in my drink okay? Burt's right. I just can't talk about it right now." He's going to throw up if he's not careful and that's not going to be pretty. He looks at Burt who nods and eagerly leads him away. Finn notices with distracted amusement that Burt is fierce when his kid is threatened. He and Finn's mother have that in common. No wonder they worked so well together.

"That's good Finn," Burt says, as he leads him to the car. "You said your peace. Right now the last thing you need to think about is that girl."

Finn nods. He needs to think about himself. He needs to put his head back on straight. It's all he can do for himself. "Kurt, will you talk to Rachel?" he asks, sliding into the backseat next to his brother. Kurt puts a hand on his shoulder and nods. That calms him down because if Kurt can handle Rachel then maybe he can handle his mind. His head is hurting. He needs some kind of medicine or something. To his surprise, Kurt reaches out and holds his hand. It's a simple gesture but it's comforting. He looks into Kurt's eyes to thank him and can see that his stepbrother is crying a little. "I'm sorry Kurt," he mumbles. He's not sure that's the right response but it's all he can say.

He goes to sleep again when he gets home. It's the only thing that he can do. He doesn't understand why he's so freaking tired, but he is. He just wants to sleep as long as he can. Of course, when he goes to sleep his dreaming isn't peaceful. He dreams about the party, about walking around and drinking soda, about talking to Puck about something stupid. His dreams take a startling turn however, when they lead him to remembering a conversation that he had with a girl with strange piercings.

"Fabray's a stupid little girl, honestly. She has no idea who she is. First she was the queen bitch of McKinley, then the school found out she was a fatass with zits…now this.."

"Don't talk about her like that, alright? She's been through a lot."

"You're a stupid ass for defending her. She cheated on you and made you think her brat was yours. You deserve what's coming to you."

The dream fades and Finn wakes up.


	6. Chapter 6

Kurt goes back to school to talk to Rachel. "I know that Rachel can be awful at times," he tells Carole, "but Finn also really loves her and she is my best friend, so I'm going to calm her down. It will at least keep her from doing something stupid."

The woman nods and sends him off. Kurt knows she's traumatized and God, he doesn't blame her. Her son has been raped. He knows how much Carole loves Finn. He shakes off his nerves, going to his car and sending Rachel a text.

Rach, where are you?

He waits awhile for her reply, stomach sick as he thinks about how Finn must feel. He was raped, yes, and even worse, he was left with no recollection of the event. Kurt can't even fathom what a mind screw that is going to be. He can't remember. He can't remember anything about the horrible thing that happened to him.

Coffee shop. I'm confused Kurt.

The response is actually comforting. She's calm and not doing anything irrational or ill-advised. He doesn't respond, but just drives to the place. He needs to talk to her. He's actually hoping that it'll help him too. The talk with his dad had been helpful, but the man had gone all protective, not giving Kurt any room to breathe. He needed to talk with his best friend, try and sort his thoughts out. That'd be helpful.

Rachel is sitting alone at their favorite booth. "Kurt, what's going on?" she asks, standing up and demanding it of him the moment that he arrives. He calmly holds up a hand and then joins her at her booth. "Rachel, Finn was drugged and raped," he says. "I couldn't talk about it with you candidly, not with my father right there. He's up in arms and terrified, of course. Finn's a son to him and this…this isn't good…"

Rachel looks like she's going to cry. He's pretty sure she's close. "Kurt," she whispers, looking at her. "I slapped him in the face and told him he was being ridiculous when he said that he didn't remember. He really didn't remember. What kind of person does that make me? I didn't listen when my boyfriend was scared and confused!" Her voice is shrill and he's afraid she's about to make a very dramatic scene of things.

"Relax, Rachel," he says. "I didn't believe Finn at first either. It seems farfetched, even saying it out loud now that I know. How many times do you think of a boy our age taking a spiked drink and getting raped by a group of girls? It's a screwed up but true part of the society we live in."

"I just…I don't know what to do…" she lets out, softly. "My boyfriend was sexually violated and the school thinks he's this horrible manwhore or something. It's like a double hit against Finn and…I'm scared for him. Is he okay? Where is he now? What is he doing?"

Rachel feels nothing stronger than she feels guilt. She can't believe herself. She isn't sure that anyone could be as awful as her. She had just broken inside, seeing that video of Finn and some girl. She had not been thinking rationally at all. All she could think about was the fact that her boyfriend had betrayed her, after all the second chances she had given him and after all that they had been through.

"He's probably never going to want to look at me again, is he?" she asks wearily. She knows that's the least of Finn's problems right now, but at the same time she knows the truth. If she were in Finn's position she would never forgive, not for that. "What can I do for him Kurt? I don't know how to deal with this. I'm not sure what…what comes next…"

"I don't really know." Kurt frowns as he speaks, tapping his delicate fingertips on the edge of the table. "I've never dealt with anything even remotely like this before. I just know that we have to support Finn. We have to be there for him when he needs us and give him space when he asks for it. I…I uh, think people will really downplay the trauma of this because Finn is a guy, but it's traumatic."

Rachel realizes that the strong, confident Kurt is just as unsure as she is. She nods slowly. "I'll be there for him if he needs me," she says decisively. "I'll let him know I'm there and that's it." It's hard for her to be so helpless. She usually has confidence and self-assurance. She's usually so proud of who she is and so capable. She has no capabilities here.

Kurt reaches across the table and takes her hand. They hold hands for a long time. She's noticed in her time being Kurt's friend that holding hands is a source of comfort for him. She's definitely here for him if he needs that kind of comfort. The hand holding is also comforting for Rachel because she feels so lost. Kurt kind of grounds her to the earth.

As she sits there, holding Kurt's hand tightly, she thinks of Finn. Oh god, she loves him so much. After all their ups and downs she still believes that he's the love of her life. She just wants to be there holding him tightly, promising him that it's going to be okay, promising him that the girls who raped him were going to pay for it.

It's just that she can't do a thing in the moment she's in. "I should probably go home," she whispers. "I told my daddies I'd be out late, but…I should still go home before they get off work."

"Do you need a ride home?" Kurt asks, gently.

"No," she says. She gets up and leaves her best friend sitting at the table, because she needs to be alone. She needs to walk home and she needs to think.


	7. Chapter 7

When Finn wakes up, Burt is in his bedroom. He's startled, so he pulls up the bedcovers to protect himself. "What are you doing here?" he asks, finding his voice squeaky. It's almost like it's not his own. He sits up in bed but doesn't immediately jump out because he can't bring himself to even want to. He groans at his own frustrating behavior.

"I'm worried about you, kid," Burt says. Finn thinks about that for a moment and realizes just how serious this is. People are really worried about him. He's not sure how he's supposed to act. He doesn't want to jump off a building or anything. He's not depressed. He's just scared and violated. He just wants things to go back to normal. "I wanted to check on you."

"I'm fine...I think..." Finn mumbles.

"You think?" Burt asks. "What can I do, Finn?" He pulls up Finn's desk chair up to the side of his bed and sits down. Finn realizes that Burt is like a father to him now, something that makes him feel good inside.

"I don't know," he mumbles. "Tell me how I'm supposed to act or feel, I guess. I don't know...I'm not suicidal or sad or anything...I just feel like I'm...not sure if it'll ever be normal again and that's the scariest part."

"It'll go back to normal sometime soon," Burt promises, but even Finn can tell that it's an empty promise. "I don't know how long that's going to take but it will. You'll even be a stronger man for it. You've also got to remember that you have a whole family around you that loves and adores you. We're not going to let anything bad happen to you again."

"You can't promise that," he mumbles, wiping a hand through his hair and over his face. "Burt, everyone's going to know what happened, aren't they?" He's not dumb. He knows Lima, especially the small area around their house. Everyone knows everything. In fact, with the police and everything, there's a good chance half the school knows by now.

Burt frowns heavily. Finn can see the worry lines cross over his forehead. "Finn, I don't know what's going to happen," he says honestly, "but your mom and I are gonna do everything we can to protect you."

He nods. "I should get up now," he says.

"Yeah, you should."

He takes a deep breath and forces himself to get out of bed. He yawns and stretches his back, trying to remind himself to keep on breathing. Things can be normal again. That much he believes from Burt.

He takes another breath as he remembers the dream he had, that probably wasn't a dream. "Burt, I remembered something else," he says.

"What?"

"I remember talking to one of the girls who did it..." he says. "She was being terrible to Quinn, you know, my ex-girlfriend. I think I probably need to talk to Quinn too."

"One thing at a time, Finn. You hungry? I think Kurt left some stuff for us before he went to talk to Rachel."

"Kurt talked to Rachel?" he asks, head swimming.

"Yeah."

"Good," Finn mumbles. At least he knows Kurt will take care of that.

School on Monday morning is torture.

Both his mom and Burt had insisted he not go, but Finn had pushed them to allow him. He needed the normalcy was his excuse. He needed to feel like a human being.

He regrets that choice instantly. The moment that he arrives at school, Jacob is in his face with a freaking microphone. "Finn Hudson," he says, shoving the blue piece into his face. "Is it true that the sexual acts caught on camera between yourself and some of McKinley's less-than-savory were totally non-consensual?"

"I'm not talking about this," he says, pushing roughly past the boy and on to his first period class.

"Does this mean that allegations of rape are merely covering up your infidelities?"

Class isn't any better. He can't concentrate on what his Algebra teacher is saying because of the whispers. Nearly everyone in class is looking at him. Those who haven't gotten the rumors he was raped still think that he's a manwhore who slept with some chicks at a party and filmed it. There is giggling, laughter. He shouldn't have come.

In third period, the laughter and taunting is kicked up a notch. He has English with a couple of hockey guys. "Pussy's telling people he got raped," Cooper tells Nelson, laughing like it's the funniest thing ever. "Can you imagine? A guy crying rape because he fucked the wrong chick?"

"Shut up," Finn says quickly. He's starting to feel nauseous, dizzy. He closes his eyes and tries to keep himself from throwing up. He's lucky that Puck is in that class with him and actually attended class that day. He catches the signs that Finn isn't okay and drags him outside. Puck's hand on Finn's shoulder is the only firm thing around him; everything else feels like it's falling apart.

"Bro, I would have kicked both of their asses, but we're in class and I can't risk..."

"Don't bother," he snaps out, feeling dizzy, faint. "Just lemme sit down for a second."

"I'll make up an excuse for you when Mrs. Dawson comes in."

"Fine."

"I heard the...rumors," Puck mumbles, leading him over to a bench and sitting him down. "I heard rumors about the cops being here and everything, so I went and talked to Quinn. She told me the truth. I had no idea, man. I wouldn't have been rude to you if I knew; I was just worried about Rachel because she's been through a lot of shit, a lot of relationship up and downs."

"It's alright. You believe that I didn't want it, right?"

"Of course I do, Finn," Puck says, his tone way too serious to be coming from his best friend "You and Rachel are the real deal and you wouldn't cheat on her, not anymore and not after all you went through. I should have known that. It's not the cheating really though. Dude, they raped you. Are you...going to be okay? That's a big deal. Doesn't matter what's between your legs man. It's sick."

"It is and I don't know if I'm gonna be okay..." he says. "I just know that I really want this to be over."

Puck frowns heavily. "I can't cut anymore class," he says. "I'll go make up that excuse for you. Take it easy Finn. Stop by the nurses office and tell her you're sick. She'll send you home if you play it right."

"Alright," he mumbles, alone again.

Finn wanders instead of going to the nurse. He doesn’t think he’s depressed but he wonders if he is, because he walks around aimlessly, not caring about anything. He doesn’t care about going to school, about keeping his grades up, or about the future which is closer than it looks. Is that depression? He isn’t sure. He knows he needs to calm it down, take it one day at a time, but he can’t.

He finds Quinn outside. She’s not running with the skanks anymore but she hasn’t exactly shed her new “bad girl” persona. She looks at him like she’s afraid of him. “Finn, were you looking for me?” she asks. Her voice sounds vacant. He definitely can relate to the feeling of absolute vacancy.

“No,” he says bluntly. “I was just walking around. Some guys were giving me a rough time in class, so Puck helped me escape.”

“Puck,” she mumbles in that distant, dreamy voice. “I’m sorry Finn; I told him about what happened. He has this way with me, you know?” She looks up at him and her eyes were a little clearer and had a bit more concern in them. “He still has this way…, even now that I’ve given up on everything.”

“Why did you give up?” Finn asks. It’s weird but he realizes Quinn is hurting. He’s hoping that perhaps he can get his mind working and his heart caring by thinking about someone else’s problems.

"Why not?" she asks. "Finn, I do not want to talk about me right now. You don't need this. You need to deal with your issues."

"I don't know what my issues are," he says. "Please, Quinn."

"You destroyed me," she says quietly. "Losing you again was the last straw. Finally, I had all the answers again. I was going to have a fairytale ending, but no, our lives are just nightmares now."

Finn frowns because she's got a point, nothing is simple. "I never meant to hurt you Quinn," he mumbles, putting a flat hand on her back. She flinches at the touch. "I just never wanted what you wanted, you know? I just never knew what I really wanted."

Quinn looks at him, a long, lingering look. "I lose everything," she says after the deliberation ends. "I lost my family, my baby, my image, my boyfriend. I just want something to cling to."

Impulsively, he takes her hand and holds it. "If it helps I'm losing my mind," he says halfheartedly. "Quinn, you do have a lot of real things you ignore though."

"What?"

"Your friends," he says. "Puck, because of that power he's got over you; Mike, because he wants to be friends; Maybe even me, because even though I think we're ridiculous as a couple, I love you. I also - need you."

She looks at him for another long moment. Tears pours down her face, streaking makeup along her pale cheeks. "I'm so sorry," she says. "This is all my fault. We drank a ton of vodka a few weeks ago and I slammed you and Rachel. I didn't mean to -"

He pulls her into a hug. "Quinn, it's not your fault," he says quietly. It is a lot of things but it isn't Quinn's fault. Finn isn't stupid. It is only the fault of the girls who did it. She sags against him and he holds tight, needing the comfort as bad as she does. He needs the part of Quinn he used to love so much. "It's not your fault at all. It just is what it is really. It's something that I have to deal with and that I guess you have to deal with too."

"I'm just tired, Finn. We should probably go back to class."

"We should," he says, but he feels unable to move.

"Will I see you in glee?" he asks as they stand in the middle of the hallway. He doesn't know what to say with her. He wonders if that was why nobody has helped Quinn with her problems. It is very hard to talk to her.

She hesitates and nods. "Yes," she says, before quickly walking her own way. Finn doesn't blame her for being frustrated. The situation they were in is just overall frustrating. He doesn't know how to deal with what was going on with him and he was is that the others aren't dealing okay either. He feels for her, if he is even feeling anything.

He gets through the rest of his day halfheartedly. He is pretty sure that a lot of the teachers have heard about what happened to him, because they are not bothering him over his daydreaming, not like they usually would. He doesn't mind it at all. He needs the quiet. If anyone dared to ask him how he was doing, he would freak out.

He is relieved by the time he gets to glee. It is awkward as hell. Everyone turns to him the moment he enters the room. Still, despite the awkwardness, he feels like he's home. To his delight, he sees Quinn sitting shyly in the corner of the room. She still has the pink hair but at least she's ditched some of the wannabe punk attire. She is looking off, as though she isn't sure where she belongs. She isn't sure she's supposed to be there.

Mr. Schue tries to keep the club running like normal, even though he keeps casting Finn guilt-ridden looks. He welcomes back Quinn and she says that she's glad to be back, before looking aside again. Finn knows that her mind isn't there with her and God, he understands that. Rachel takes him aside after Mike and Puck start a number to ease the tension. Rachel throws her arms around him tightly and he can't help flinch at the overwhelming display of affection from his girlfriend. Or is she his ex girlfriend? He isn't sure.

"Finn, I am so sorry for everything I did to you," she says, holding the hug tightly. "I had no idea. I was ignorant and stupid."

"You reacted pretty naturally Rachel," he assures her, prying the tiny girl off of him. He just can't stand all of the fussing over him. He is scared and his head is messed up but he doesn't want to be clung to. He can't stand the affection. "I've hurt you before and you thought I hurt you again. It's over. It's forgiven but I really can't do this right now."

The rest of the meeting is awkward but at the same time Finn feels like he is home. After it is over, Kurt clasps him on the shoulder and walks him outside. "Finn, I'll drive you home for dinner okay?" he said. "Coach Beiste knows you're not going to be at practice. Come on, let's go."

Finn is thankful for his brother. So thankful

They get into Kurt's car. Finn leans against the seat and shuts his eyes for a second. When he opens them again, Kurt's intense eyes are burning into him. "Finn, are you okay?" he asks softly, reaching out and touching Finn on the arm. Finn accepts the touch and tries not to flinch away from it. He isn't going to let this scare him out of letting people touch him. He is better than that.

"No," he says honestly. He doesn't want to lie to Kurt. Kurt is one of the most important people in the world to him. "I'm really not okay Kurt, but you don't have to like…be careful with me. Thank you for driving me home. I'm just really exhausted and I want to get my mind off of this more than anything."

Kurt starts to drive. Finn is glad they are on their way home. "Maybe we can do something together when we get home," he says hesitantly. "I know that you and I aren't too big on the same things, but you can teach me how to play one of your video games or something?" Finn opens his eyes a little wider and smiles at Kurt's hopeful expression. Kurt is definitely trying to help him and he appreciates that.

"I'd like that Kurt," he says.

They get home to find that neither of their parents are home. Finn feels bad for them. He can't really imagine how his mom must feel about this. He takes a deep breath and rolls his eyes before making his way up to his room. Like some kind of obedient puppy, Kurt follows. "What are you doing man?" he asks.

"I believe you just promised me some sibling time," Kurt says sweetly. Finn can tell by his stepbrother's half smile that he isn't trying to walk on eggshells around him. He really is trying to be a good brother. Finn nods and bends down by the tv in his room, setting up his Xbox. Kurt perches at the end of his bed, looking out of place in his messy room. It makes Finn smile for the first time in awhile.

They spend the next three hours playing various video games. To Finn's surprise, Kurt is particularly good at the ones where you shoot and kill things. "I guess I was just a marksman in another life. I have no idea," Kurt says, leaning close to Finn and biting his bottom lip as he slays a couple more zombies. Finn watches in awe, his gaping allowing him to get shot and killed himself.

After awhile, he lest Kurt take the reins and watches him with a sleepy smile. Kurt is a freaking amazing zombie killer. He loves his stepbrother. Finn yawns and shuts his eyes for a few moments.


	8. Chapter 8

Finn falls asleep in the middle of watching Kurt kill things. When he drifts off, he finds himself confronted with another nightmare. In his nightmare scene, he keeps being confronted by Rachel, over and over. She's calling him all of these horrible things: slut, whore, useless and he feels sick to his stomach. He then flashes over to a made-up scenario of what could have happened while he was drunk.

He was being forced by a bunch of girls. He knows that now. The video that he'd seen while awake fuels his false image of that day. It's terrible. That girl is on top of him and he's lying there, unable to control his own body. Someone else has complete control.

He opens his eyes to find that it was just a nightmare. He opens his eyes to find that his mother is there. "Finn," she says, shaking him awake and pulling him closer to her. He wonders if Kurt is the one who alerted her about his sudden descent into hysteria. He takes a deep breath and moves a little bit closer to his mother. He doesn't say anything, just catching his breath.

"Sorry," he says softly, feeling guilty for putting the haunted look on her face. "Nightmare."

She nods and runs a hand through his hair. He doesn’t even care that he's seventeen. He just gives his mom a quick hug before letting go. She looks at him as if she's helpless – she is sort of helpless in a way, because she can't comfort him. This isn't losing the little league tournament or falling from something and breaking his arm. This isn't exactly something that she can comfort him over and make all better.

"I'm sorry Finn," she says.

He nods, slowly, forcing himself up. He is triggered into memories of when he was a child and she did comfort him for those little things. He misses the days when he could crawl in bed with his mother and she'd let him sleep with her for the night. He misses the days when mommy kissing him and telling him it was going to be okay was all there was. "I didn't mean to fall asleep," he says, trying to distract from the fact that his head is obviously messed up and his mom is devastated. "It was the coolest thing. I taught Kurt how to play a couple of games and he was actually really good at it."

"Does that really surprise you?" she asks, trying to distract him as much as he is her. "Kurt is full of surprises Finn."

"He really is, isn't he?" he agrees. He stretches his back out. "What were you doing Mom?"

"Making dinner," she says. "I'm just about done."

"I'll set the table," he mumbles, getting up and going before she can protest.

***

Finn is lucky. The girls who raped him get sent to juvie without much legal fuss, because there is so much on their rap sheets already. There is, however, a wave of attention that Finn feels could kill him. Everyone knows. He can't even walk down the halls of McKinley without someone looking his way, mumbling about rape or about not believing him. Yeah, a lot of people don't believe him. They guys on the football team call him a pussy, a stuck up bitch. They say he is crying for attention. He is sick to his stomach, tired and generally wants to throw up all the time.

Finn sees, however, that Quinn is doing is a lot better. He goes to glee rehearsal and sees her talking animatedly to Puck and Mike. He knows that she is going to get better. He wants the best for her. He wants the best for all of his friends.

Unfortunately, just being friends is all he wants. He's not strong enough to take the pressure of having a girlfriend. A month after the event, he lays that on Rachel. "Rachel, I want to break up for right now," he says, approaching the girl by her locker. Rachel looks at him, caught off guard, a devastated look crossing her face. He hates to hurt her like that but she keeps trying to cling, get closer. He can't deal with that. "I love you, but everyone's saying things about me-"

"The rumors don't bother me, Finn," she promises him, desperation growing.

He touches her hand, stopping her from touching him. "They do bother me," he says. "I just can't be with anyone right now. I love you though, Rachel, I do."

She frowns. "Did I do something wrong? Did I press past a limit of yours or something?"

He shakes his head, hugging her. She resists at first but then relaxes. "I love you," he says. "I just can't handle a lot. My head is in the wrong place."

After that episode (which included watching Rachel fight off tears) he manages to get himself home. What he hears once he got there isn't any better.

"Things are getting worse Carole. We saved a lot of money when Kurt transferred back from Dalton…"

"Are you saying we send Finn somewhere? My baby was raped, we can't just ship him off."

"The rumors in this area, at McKinley, they're bad. Finn won't admit it but they are. He has so much unwanted attention."

Finn listens to his parents talk, nausea rising in his stomach. He doesn't want to be transferred away from McKinley. He thinks of losing glee and genuinely wants to die. Glee is everything to him and losing it would be losing the thing that made him who he was. At the same time, he understands why his parents are talking about it. Both Burt and his mom have seen what school s doing to him. It's their job to protect him. When Kurt was afraid, they'd been doing the same for him.

"I can't leave McKinley," he says, stepping into the kitchen and letting them know he's listening. It isn't his fault. He had just overheard them as he walked inside. They both look at him with equally concerned faces. They are perfect for each other, his parents. They are so similar. "That's an interesting thought Mom, but I can't let this ruin my life. I can't let myself be some kind of…victim, okay?"

His mom looks shocked. She obviously did not expect him to be there. "We didn't mean to offend you, Finn," she says. "We just know that things are really bad at school. Kurt has told us that there are a ton of rumors going around; he told us that people said you were lying and…"

"They are," he agrees. He sits at the table, watching as Burt and his mother do the same. "A lot of the guys are calling me a liar, or else saying that I'm stupid for complaining. They don't think that guys can be…you know. I wasn't sure that they could before it happened to me, so whatever, but it does suck. I just can't go to Dalton or some school during my senior year though."

"Are you sure Finn?" Burt asks.

He nods. "I'm just going to survive my senior year."

"Burt and I were also talking about therapy," his mom says softly. "We really think that you need to see someone who specializes in…things like this."

Finn has never really thought about therapy before but he understands why his parents want that too. He doesn't know how to talk about it and doesn't know what to do with himself. His heart beats too fast when he thinks about the event and about the fact that his memories never completely returned. He knows he can't heal until he does something to heal. He agrees. "I think that I would really like to see someone," he admits, softly. "I just think that I need to talk to someone."

"We'll find you someone then," Burt says, strong. Finn nods, shaking his head and nearly crying from frustration, exhaustion. He needs help.

 

When Finn goes to the therapist, it's not as scary as he had originally imagined it to be. It's not a sterile doctor's office, but a little brown office building. There are children as well as adults in the waiting room. He waits with his mom for a very long time, watching a little boy play with trucks for awhile. He's so nervous he wants to puke, but when he finally gets called in to talk to her, it's not that big of a deal. She is a kind looking woman with grey hair and bright eyes.

They talk for a long time about rape, about culture and about perceptions of masculinity. She tells Finn over and over again that he doesn't have to listen to anyone's perception about the rape except his own. He is the only one who knows what he went through and what he is feeling. She is very empowering. Finn especially likes the part where she says that hurting is okay. "You're allowed to hurt," she assures him. "You were violated. You were overpowered, not physically but by a chemical agent and it's a terrible thing. You don't have to feel like it's more masculine or powerful not to hurt."

He doesn't want to break down and cry every minute but he wants to hurt. He wants to feel okay hurting. He talks to her for awhile about his family, about Quinn and about his situation. The woman gives him a card to give Quinn, because they decide that she needs someone to vent at too. "Am I going to get better?" Finn finally asks her, as he notices that their time together is slowly dwindling to an end. His mom already booked an appointment the following week but he knows he has to wrap up for now.

The woman frowns and rubs her hands together. "I get asked that by victims of sexual assault many, many times," she says. "That's the same question I asked my therapist after I was raped thirteen years ago, actually."

Finn frowns and looks at her. "You were raped?" he asks, the word still so hard to say even when he's not talking about what happened to him.

"Yes," she says. "I was drugged by a colleague of mine and taken advantage of."

"Do you remember what happened?" he asks. The biggest fear for him is that he doesn't remember.

"Vaguely," she says. "I know that the first question I asked was the same as yours. Am I going to get better? Am I going to forget? Am I going to let go?" She laughs a little and shakes her head. "Forgetting, letting go and being the same are out of the question. With the drugs and the lack of memories, I imagine that you'll never forget having control of yourself stripped away. Still, despite the fact that it seems grim, you will get better. You, Finn Hudson, will survive this and come out of it a stronger man. I believe in you."

He knows that it is a long, heavy road but he believes in himself too.


End file.
